table for one :: visual dare #17
The crowds rushed past the tables spilling onto the sidewalk, and then, the rush slowed, and the passengers from the train just arrived had all moved on. At the back of the group, backpack over her shoulder, Lauren stopped, and dumped her heavy pack on the ground. She shooed away the pigeon hoping for some scraps, and pulled out the postcards she’d bought just moments before. Her little ritual, a card to her mum and dad. her sister, and her best friend. And one left over. As always. Sometimes she’d write, and not send it. Sometimes she’d leave it blank. Today felt like a writing day, and who knew, maybe she’d even send this one. She lifted her pen, and began to write. “Dear Paul”.
~~~
This little episode of Lauren and Paul’s story is thanks to Anonymous Legacy’s Visual Dare. I tried really hard to get it down to 100 words today, but starting at over 250, I don’t think I could cull more without losing what I wanted from the scene – 121 words.
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Ah! Nice lead-in! Obviously a history with this Paul fellow. Nice use, too, of motion in cascading arrangement — the mad bustle of the first sentence, the slowing motion of the second, small directed action of the third, then internal, then writing. It all tapers toward those last two focal words so well. Great job!
Thanks Angela! I’m working on a bigger version of L&P for Camp NaNoWriMo, and just when I was feeling a bit lost, this dare was just what I needed to convince me not to trash it completely!
That was another fantastic post today. Thanks so much for sharing.
Wow. A wonderful story.
I loved the way your story flowed with the hustle and bustle and then the dumping of the heavy pack indicating she was slowing down. Then as she settled down time to ponder – should she, shouldn’t she. I wonder if Pau ever got that card.
Thanks for a great read.
Thanks Mike!
WHAT DID SHE SAY??? WHAT DID SHE SAY??? (totally meant to write that twice, incase you think I am losing it, which I could be 😉
You are hooking me in with this story – the snippets are KILLING me.
Bwah ha ha, my evil plot is working!!
Ah, this is so well done! Hope she writes the letter 🙂