…when the words won’t come…

Let’s do Blogtober, says I, it’ll be fun, says I. In the last month, I’ve committed to this daily blogging project, launched a podcast (and committed to a blog post a week there), and also just this morning, signed the contract to officially join the Crafty Monkies teaching team, with two classes booked and a third just pitched. Content production coming out my ears. I’ve even burnt through my craft budget and splurged on a microphone, and a new overhead tripod, for all these different content channels. Which means, of course, with my brain being the contrary jerk that it is…my creative mojo has disappeared.

I’m pottering away on a few projects, but not really making major progress on anything. And blogging about it? What even are words? My last few Blogtober posts have been published late in the evening, partly because of the aforementioned lack of progress, partly because I sit at my laptop and stare at a blank “add new post” page for far too long. What even are words? Even without progress though, I could, in theory, have something to post. As part of Blogtober, I was challenged to write and share one flash fiction piece a week. Back in the glory days of blogging, I shared little snippets regularly. One even turned into a 30,000 unfinished novel manuscript. Now though, I open a new post. Title it “flash Friday”, and then… nothing. What even are words? I even have three week’s worth of Mid Week Flash prompt photos sitting in my camera roll. I have a bit of an idea of a couple of things I could write about, but do you think I can get them out of my brain and onto paper? Nope. Words. Words are hard.

Maybe it’s pandemic fatigue? Maybe it’s my brain looking at all these things I have to do, that have a deadline, that have other people relying on me, and goes, nope, not today. Or tomorrow. Maybe it’s that blogging feels more and more like yelling into the void, these days? Maybe it’s that my voice in this space has changed, and I’m not fully settled in my new voice, and I miss my old voice, but it also doesn’t fit. I read over old posts, and yet to write like that now feels forced. Maybe I’m overthinking the entire thing.

Once upon a time, a flat spot in Blogtober was reasonably easy to work around. Especially mid-week. Wordless Wednesday was a thing back in the days when blogging was the main way of sharing our creative adventures. Throw up a photo, call it done. These days though, when instagram is our main form of sharing and connection, blogs serve as a place to expand on those simple little squares. It no longer makes sense to share a single photo and no further explanation as a blog post. WIP Wednesday was another popular one, but doesn’t work so well when I’ve already shared most of my current WIPs this week, or haven’t made any progress on others since I last shared them.

The irony is not lost on me, that we’ve no sooner shared a podcast talking about inspiration – losing it and finding it – than I lose my mojo and I have no interest in any of my saved Inso pieces, and when I do have the mojo, I don’t have the words. I’m not willing to admit defeat just yet, though. I love blogtober. I love the challenge of blogging each day and coming up with something fun and interesting to share. I love having something more permanent than a fleeting square on instagram. And so, I will push on. We’re more than a third of the way through the month. That’s a win in and of itself. This afternoon, I will pull out a project and make something. Anything. Just to get those creative muscles back into practice. Tomorrow I will show up and blog about it and share my process. This morning, though, words are hard, except apparently, when it comes to blogging about how I don’t have the words to blog. How very contrary of my brain to suddenly throw out 800 words on a post about how I don’t have words. Brains are so very stupid at times, aren’t they?